Brevity is the Soul of Wit

 My favorite example of a short joke is a newspaper headline written by Woody Allen:

"Bigamist Shot Twice"

My own 3-word joke:

"Celibacy?? Screw that!!"

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Most bankrupt authors never reach Chapter 11...

Car Talk Credits

 A while back , I submitted some punny names to Car Talk for use in the credits at the end of the show, but I don't think they were accepted, so here are few of them:

Financial Advisor: Hermoine Welles Pent
GPS Coordinators: Rhonda Conner and Donna Street
Earthquake Detection: Flora Ripley
Civil Rights Worker: Rachel Tolerance
Animation Director: Seth Saul Ffolkes
Director of Male Studies: Dr. Tess Tosterone
Crisis Manager: Carrie Anne Regardless
Canine Uroligist: Barry Dinwiddie

If you *have* seen or heard these before, either they *were* accepted, or Great Minds Think Alike...


All That Jazz

Well, I spent last weekend in Racine, Wisconsin at an Old Time Jazz convention. Kind of like an SF con, but different. There were tons of 78's for sale - from $1.00 specials up to $250.00 for those extreme rarities. I picked up a Bing Crosby out-take 78 where the band goofs and Bing starts complaining while still singing! Apparently, the record was dubbed from an unreleased master. Luckily, it was not very expensive. The dealer had three copies!

There were also several live bands. In fact, from 10:30 Sunday morning to 7:00 Sunday night there was continuous live music - most of it pretty good and some that was fantastic! Although my favorite old music is from the Swing Era, and most of the weekend's entertainment was music prior to that, I still enjoyed it. Sometimes, there's nothing like a live band!

The "celebrity guest" was a man named Vince Giordano, who was without his usual band, the Nighthawks. The guy is talented. He plays tuba, piano, bass sax and an *aluminum* stand-up bass fiddle - and he sings, too! You may have heard the Nighthawks on "A Prairie Home Companion". Bought a couple of his CDs, which he autographed. If you've ever seen a movie in the last few years that took place in the 20's, 30's or 40's, and there was a live band in it, odds are that you've seen Vince. Here's his wikipedia entry:


Todays' comments (no jokes - well, not too many)

 My Netflix trial subscription got off to a bad start. My VERY FIRST DISK was cracked and had to be returned. Netflix was very nice about it, though, and the replacement disk arrived promptly.

I hope everyone is enjoying the unseasonably warm weather. Gotta start walking again...

I've often said that instead of getting my news from the "regular" sources, I get most of it from The Daily Show, The Colbert Report and the Tonight Show monologue. It's the *same* news, only funnier. I do listen to NPR while waking up and in the car driving to & from work, so I guess I get some "regular" news after all. Plus my weekly dose of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me...

I think I'm getting the hang of this "blog" thing...



Today's Literary Joke

 I've been telling this off and on for years now, but I've never written it down:

I used to think that "The Heimlich Maneuver" was a Robert Ludlum novel.

Actually, its the sequel to:
"Surely You're Choking, Mr. Feynman!"

Today's Joke

I got this strange GPS unit. I don't know where it was made, but something is wrong with it. I was driving down the road, and it said:

"In 300 cubits, turn UP."

This is the place for funny stuff?

 Hi, all!

I was told quite a few months ago that I should be on LiveJournal, so I created an account and - surprise! - this is my first post. Here's hoping it won't take 3-4 months to make my second post <g>

I seem to keep thinking of funny things, and this will be the place to post them - mostly so they won't vanish into the aether.

For example:

TV shows we will NEVER see:

"So You Think You Can Swim?"
"The Amazing Racist"
"Who Wants to Be a Milliner?"

Not quite as good as speaking this stuff in person (partly because I don't get to see the expression on the recipient's face) but mostly because I won't hear the laugh (or groan).

On the other hand, I'm less likely to get beaten about the face and neck for severe crimes against Humor...

Anyhow, welcome to my Funny Farm...